Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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