Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
