I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
