Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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