Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
