Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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