omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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