My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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