"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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