Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
