Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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