Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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