Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize