Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
