if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
