Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
