its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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