im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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