Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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