Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
