u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
