just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
