Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize