Non-Jews are for practice
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
