so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
