How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
