Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
where am i from again
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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