Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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