Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
