You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
