She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
