I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
