We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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