i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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