I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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