who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I had to cum in my sink.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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