My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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