'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
