I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
