I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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