waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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