I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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