We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
