u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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