New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
