Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think i have two assholes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
