this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
