Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
