bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
