That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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