Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize