I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
