I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
