giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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