a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
