This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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