i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
