proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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