He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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