Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
