I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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