Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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