Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
