Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
