My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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