I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
